Venting, Bunnies, Coins & Swaps

I'm feeling better today then yesterday. The job hunt in really draining...I know people want to be helpful but I wish people would stop saying "keep trying" or "apply here" and "you need to do this", etc. Then there's the other group of people who say "you're so lucky to be off work", "the job you didn't get was meant to be" & "enjoy your vacation". I know people are just trying be helpful...but it doesn't help...it only makes things harder. People don't realize how hard I'm trying and how horrible I feel. I got turned down for a four week temp job! How humiliating is that?!?! The only reason I went to the damn temp agency is because of someone told me that it's sooooo easy to get a job through them. I called three temp agencies on Friday & none of them were of any help. I've never felt so desperate. Anyway, today I'm feeling more hopeful but it's up & down.

Yesterday I received a lovely package from my Swap Angel Melissa. It was a nice surprise! I never received my Valentine's Day Swap & she was so sweet to fill in for my flaky partner. I ate the chocolate before I had a chance to snap a photo. I really needed some chocolate yesterday! =) I finished my Latin Matchbox Shrines during the week. I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. The swap deadline is a few weeks away but I had the urge to be crafty. I hope my partners like them. My camera battery was dying so the pictures don't due them justice. I can't wait to send them. I also snapped the pictures above of some of my Easter decorations. Again, the picture doesn't due them justice. I'm loving Easter now that I've rediscovered the cuteness of Easter decorations. I'm even appreciating pastels! I have an small egg collection that I still have to display. I'm tempted to join the Bunny Swap on Swap-bot but I think I may be overextending myself already. I also took a photo of some Geocoins I discovered this morning. I made a quick travel bug drop at a local cache & I picked these up. I'm loving coins these days! If you don't know about Geocaching, Geocoins or Travel Bugs yet...do some research & click these links. It's a great hobby...well if you like the outdoors and treasure hunts. =)

Disappearing

I don't feel like writing and I don't feel like explaining why...I feel like Meridith from Grey's Anatomy...I feel like disappearing...I want to be invisible...I wish I had a bathtub to disappear into.

Happy Birthday Sammy!

Yesterday we celebrated Sammy's 20th birthday. My parents, Billy & Sylvia came over to experience the unusual event. I made a tri-tip, salad, corn and Sylvia made yummy potato salad. I was going to make a cake but I got lazy and bought one from Albertson's - it did the trick. I bought a few decorations from Dollar Tree and made Sammy a little Fancy Feast cake to make it even more special. Of course the party was really more for me then it was for her. She could care less! She did enjoy her cake & she loves company. It was a ridiculous idea like all my others...but it was lots of fun. Happy 20th Birthday Sammy!

I joined a couple of new swaps on swap-bot. I have swapping fever! I am just about to send out my flat goodies swap & I'll put my Born in 1977 swap together as soon as I get my partners info and find out a little more about her. I recently joined a swap called Latin Matchbox Shrine and I found an unusual swap where we have to make a little fairy doll. I think I am going to stick to crafting swaps for the time being. They require little or no money except for postage. I got stiffed on the Valentine's Swap. It was only my second time dealing with a non sender...It sucks but someone ( a swap angel) has kindly offered to send me a package. Isn't that sweet?

Job hunt update: I am waiting to hear back from the temp agency about starting a job this week or next. Today is a holiday so I have to wait until tomorrow to get the full details. Cross your fingers for me. Right now any job will be the best job! The pressure to find something gets worse everyday and I am suffering from insomnia & when I finally get to sleep I have nightmares. Last night I dreamt that the lady from a job I applied to called me and said that they wanted to hire me without even meeting me first! I was so happy! Waking up and realizing it was all a dream became the nightmare!

Grrrrrr!

People need to think before they speak. Words can hurt and although it's easy for me to forgive...my memory is good and I hardly ever forget.

Sux in the City

I've been running around like a crazy woman all morning! Out of desperation I decided to interview with a temporary agency in downtown L.A. I left extra early but it took me about 2 hours to get there. Mainly because of the horrible directions and the one way streets. The numbers on the building were hard to read so I kept having to circle around over & over! I was told to park in a lot called Joe's Garage...well I came to find out that there are numerous Joe's Garage parking lots all over the city! There was construction, crazy people and about a zillion cars honking their horns. I felt like I was in NYC! I've been to downtown many times but things must have changed since then. I don't remember the hustle and bustle. Today was an adventure to say the least! Culture shock BIG TIME...and I thought I was so worldly! ha ha! The interview was on the 26th floor of an office building with an amazing view of the city. I tested horribly...I'm retarded when it comes to timed computer tests. Timed test make me so nervous! Anyway, my resume and interview overshadowed the mediocre test scores. Now I just sit back and wait for them to find me something. I applied to 8 places yesterday and I'm hopeful I get at least one interview. I had applied to this great community arts organization awhile back even though I knew I was under qualified for the position. To my surprise the hiring manager liked my resume and e-mailed me yesterday to let me know that a position opened up that I may be interested in. I immediately applied and I'm waiting on pins and needles for a call from her. I also saw an ad online that my old boss had posted for a position at her new organization. I e-mailed her to ask more about the position and inquire about applying and she never wrote back. I'm kind of annoyed because she never wrote the recommendation she promised either. It kind of sucks because I stuck up for her after she was let go. Infact, her being fired is part of the reason I left! Oh well.

An update on the Caroline's turning the BIG 3-0 saga...My family wants to throw me a party! I'm a little excited...just a little. It's tentatively set for the Saturday following my birthday at a tapas bar in Pasadena. I think I can invite 30 people give or take. Icing on the cake would be to get the #1 present on my wish list - that would be the BEST birthday ever...but you know how my luck is. It stinks!

Cabin Fever

Valentine's dinner was a success! I made filet mignon with mushrooms, scallions and a teriyaki glaze, salad, bread, baked potatoes and for dessert a fruit tart & fresh raspberries and cream. It was delicious if I must say so myself! ;-) Stephen gave me the most beautiful roses! They are my most favorite kind of roses with orange & peach hues...Today is a beautiful day and I hate to spend it cooped up inside washing last night's dishes and pulling my hair out while job searching. I am going to spend an hour on business before taking a walk or a drive. I have to get out of here before I get cabin fever.

Happy Valentine's Day

I am really looking forward to dinner with Stephen tonight. I have everything prepared to begin my Valentine's cooking adventure...hopefully it's not a disaster! I made a healthy dessert but I couldn't resist buying a fruit tart from Churrolandia Bakery and Funnel Cake Factory. At least it's trans-fat free. Who cares about counting calories today anyway! It's Valentine's!!! I am going to eat my meat, potatoes & double desserts (mostly) guilt free. Anyway, check out the pictures of the table-scape I created on zero budget. I guess it's not that bad considering I used things I already had. It will look even better in candlelight. Very romantic! I hope Stephen likes the surprise.

Monday Monday

The weekend flew by and I felt like I hardly got to spend any of it with Stephen. I have some Valentine's surprises in the works that I hope he'll enjoy. I have decided to cook an elegant dinner at home. It's so much more romantic then dealing with the annoying V-Day crowds. I have the menu mostly planned out but I'm still trying to come up with a delicious, yet healthy dessert. I'm really excited! I've never been a big fan of "the day" but I do have a soft spot for the adorable cards, sweets and decorations. Having dinner here will give me a chance to be creative and try something a little different. Our first Valentine's Day was the best! We had a picnic in Laguna followed by an afternoon at Disneyland! I still have the big brown bear Stephen gave me. I'll never forget peeking out my window and seeing him get out of his car with the huge bear and a rose. It was so cute and the first time anyone had every done something like that for me. I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it!

I didn't think my poor Sammy was going to make it through the weekend! She got really sick on Friday. All weekend long she wouldn't eat, drink or meow. She looked awful and her eyes were sunken in. I gave her water through a syringe and kept an eye on her. She perked up a little yesterday afternoon but by this morning she was back! What a relief! I realize that she is very old and that she will die someday...I just don't know how I'm going to deal with it. She's been my best friend and given me unconditional love for 20 years. Losing that cat is a tough thing to imagine.

Auntie Pam's birthday party was on Saturday. It was fun hanging out with my family and making my mom take a Jell-O shot. I wish Stephen could have been there since it's only once in a blue moon my family has a shin-dig like that. The food was good and I even danced a bit after being forced on the dance floor by my Uncle Ralph. I'm a horrible dancer...but it was fun anyway. My mom introduced me to someone who I used to play with as a baby. She recently turned 30 so we commiserated about that for a bit. Then she started talking about her husband and three kids and then I felt like although we were the same age we were light years apart. I got that panicky feeling that I've been getting a lot lately...It's this nagging feeling inside telling me that I need to hurry...Ugh, I hate that feeling...it puts me in a bad mood. Most of my friends are married and the ones who are still single have fantastic careers. I feel like such a failure. I'm going to try and be patient, enjoy life and not rush...at least for a little while. I guess turning 30 is a bigger deal then I ever thought it would be! All these crazy things go through your mind. Just about everyone I know who has been there has told me that they felt the same way. I guess I'm not alone and you'll never understand unless you've been there...I wonder if it's any different for guys? As for my birthday, I am probably going to plan something for myself as usual. It's so hard for the event planner in me to lose control of MY event and so far no one has come up with any great ideas for me. I have a few ideas up my sleeve. I'm a little hesitant though because the last birthday dinner I planned ended up being a disaster and I ended up in tears by the end of the night. At least it was a memorable one! ha ha!

Fishies!!!

After almost a year we finally got fish for our aquarium. We tried saltwater for a little bit but after our hitchhiking crab and baby Nemo died we were a little hesitant to try again. Stephen changed his mind about saltwater after remembering all the work that would go into maintaining it. Freshwater is still pretty cool. Stephen insisted on mean looking Chiclids. We got a blue, a yellow and a striped one that I picked out. He's feisty and has bright yellow fin. He kept taunting me through the glass so I had the fish guy pick him out of the bunch. He was a hard one to catch! They're pretty cool. I'll take pictures soon. In other fishy news, I think my Betta has seen better days. I think the cold weather really took a toll on him. I will be surprised if he lasts another week. Poor slimy little thing!

I went to the gym with Jenn last night. I really wasn't feeling well mentally and physically...so it made for a horrible workout. I was there for about 45 minutes and although I did get my heart pumping I could have done better. We got there too late to get a SPINNING bike so we used the machines instead. The good thing about SPINNING or any class for that matter is that you're kind of locked in. You're forced to stick it out until the end. I can't seem to motivate myself to get to the gym daily. I was planning on going today but I'm already feeling lazy. At least the weekend hiking and Stephen and my nightly walks are keeping me active. Help! My motivation has disappeared!!! Hopefully I find it soon!

Here's another old school poem for your pleasure.

ME
You fairy tale princess, You movie star, You wild party girl, You weeping flower, You glass of champagne, You tortilla with butter, You shy tulip, You smiling baby doll, You dusty book, You love song, You quiet whisper, You beam of sunshine, You broken soul, You feather pillow, You headache, You beloved saint, You prude, You sexy siren, You cold shoulder, You hot salsa, You jet-setter, You homegirl, You forbidden fruit, You worshipped goddess, You dreamy child, You wilted rose, You autumn breeze, You worn out sweater, You charming angel. You.

P.S. There will be more to come. I'm working on a NEW poem and some new art...My motivation to work out has disappeared but my creativity has been found! Go figure!

Midweek Meltdown

The job hunt is getting frustrating! I'm running out of options and I don't know what to do. Even jobs through the temp agency are hard to come by. I spend endless hours searching and applying for jobs and nothing comes from all my work. For every 20 resumes I send out I will get one call and not all of the calls I get result in an interview. I am continuing to think positive and keep my head up. I don't know how long I can keep being positive before I have a meltdown.

In other news I started a swap called Born in 1977. It's for all of us turning the BIG 3-0 this year. I talked to a few friends who are turning 30 this year and they are taking it much worse then me. I thought I'd start a swap to cheer up us oldies but goodies. Now lets see if anyone will join...or else I may be celebrating alone! As my birthday nears people keep asking what I'm going to do to celebrate and I have no idea!!! I don't really want a big party but at the same time I'd like to celebrate with my friends & family...I don't know what I want...Well maybe there is something I want for my birthday...I just feel that without a job I'm not deserving of much of a celebration. The real celebration will be when I find a job! I'm going to dance on tables! You're all invited to join me!

Check of the following story. Amazing!
Eternal Embrace

Losing Hope

Today is the day that I will give up hope about getting the job I interviewed for on Friday. I know it's only been a few days, but if I lose all hope early, then I won't feel so bad when I get a rejection letter. I was trying to think up reasons why it's a good thing that I don't get the job and here are a few.

1. The boss mentioned rarely leaving for lunch because she was too busy (I hate lunches at my desk)
2. It's far
3. Protestors, who needs um?
4. Obviously they don't have air conditioning!
5. Working with donors again? What was I thinking!?
6. There isn't a Target close by
7. An office full of women...not again!
8. Too far to have lunch with my mom
9. Out of the way from my gym
10. Too close to a Del Taco - who can resist their fries?

Ok, I know I'm grasping at straws here...but it made me feel slightly better!

In other news...I lost another unofficial pound! I don't officially weigh in until Friday so I can't count it yet. I love this non-diet! I ate cake at Isabella's birthday party on Saturday and chips on Super Bowl Sunday and I still lost another pound! Moderation is they key...and lots of walking! I am almost halfway to my March goal! I can't wait until someone (who dosen't read this blog) actually notices my weight loss! No one has mentioned a thing and I'm beginning to worry that there has been a scale malfunction!

Someone give me some Xanax pleeeeeease!!!

I'm back from the interview...I guess the Ugly Betty confidence boost didn't work. If I got this position it would be a miracle!!! I could just kick myself! I looked professional, my resume and qualifications were a perfect match and I even came with a glowing recommendation. None of that changed the fact the I am a complete idiot! The conference room was stuffy and it caused me to begin to panic. I felt like I couldn't breath and my mouth got dry. My mouth was so parched that I felt like I was unable to talk. I felt inarticulate and jittery...I just couldn't seem to get the right words out. I oozed "mental patient escapee". They probably think I am a complete buffoon! How could I mess up such a sure thing!? One of the people interviewing me was an artist too and another used to live in Whittier. It could have been perfect! Arghhh, I'm so angry at myself! I want to crawl under a rock and die a horrible death...I did the best I could to make things better by writing a thank you e-mail...Hopefully it will erase my stupidity from their mind!

Here goes nothing!!!

I'm heading out for an interview...Like Betty says...

"I am an attractive, confident, business woman!"