Happy 28th my love!!!

This weekend was Stephen's birthday. The BIG 28! Friday I had planned to take him to Phlight for dinner and then to have drinks in Uptown. It didn't quite work out as I had planned. I had a hunch something was going to go wrong. Much like most of my ideas these days! My planets must be out of alignment. Saturday was his actual birthday. I got up early and made him french toast (yum) and gave him his presents. I got him a wallet, 2 gift cards, Guitar Hero (he loved it), golf balls and a bunch of other little goodies. Then he had to go to work which really sucked. Later we had a pirate themed party for him & Greg. It was nice and not so nice. I hope he had fun despite the not so nice aspects of the party. I did enjoy myself and the highlight was getting a ride on the back of his bro Larry's motorcycle. It was fun and I enjoyed speeding through East L.A. by motorcycle. Very cool! Stephen, his friend & myself closed the night with a few drinks in Uptown. I tried my best to make his day special and I hope it was. We did some more celebrating with his friends yesterday and there will be more celebrating to come when we finally get our date at Phlight. We have a break from parties for a few weeks. I can't wait for this weekend. Finally no obligations and sleeping in! Stephen's on a fishing trip for a few days and I'm alone with Sammy, a sink full of dishes and the ghosts. I miss him already. He left me a little note and he scribbled I love you. It gave me butterflies. Well I'm off to bed on the couch. Our bedroom is an oven! The heat is finally here!

The party is over!

My week long 30th birthday celebration has finally come to an end. It ended on Saturday with a big celebration at Bar Celona in Pasadena with family and friends. It was good to see everyone I love together, eating, talking, laughing and having a good time. I got so many nice gifts but seeing everyone together was the best gift of them all. The restaurant was cool, the cake was delicious and the Sangria was to die for!!! My camera pooped out so I'm a little delayed on adding pictures to flickr. I borrowed two different cameras and I'm trying to get a hold of the memory sticks to make a slide show of the big bash. It was a fun party but it would have been even better if it wasn't MY party. I couldn't help stressing out that people weren't having a good time, that they had spent too much money on me or that I looked hideously fat & ugly. Not to mention that I feel as though I have a huge U on my chest for UNEMPLOYED and everyone can see it. I hate that I am so insecure right now. It's a combination of events over the last 6 months that has got me to this low point. I want the old me back! I know I'm somewhere under this blanket of self hate. I don't want to be like this, I really, really don't. Relying on someone else for survival is a really humbling experience...it's been tough but my family has been there, and will continue to be there, loving me unconditionally... & for this I am most grateful. I hope things change soon - for your sake, my dear blog readers! The stress is zapping my fun & creativity. I'm losing it & I'm sorry.

Goodbye 20s!!!

In less then 24 hours I turn the BIG 3-0!!! Today is the last day of my 20s! Now it's really hitting me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Saturday marked the beginning of the week long celebration. Stephen's family had a bbq and b-day celebration for his cousin, sister and myself. There was delicious food and I got to hit a pinata the first time since I was a kid. It was so much fun. They are so sweet to me. I got so many really nice cards and gifts. On Sunday I went to Disneyland with my mom & my niece, Lisa. I got them up early so we could make it there in time for a Mickey Mouse waffle. Soooo good! I had a really nice day with them. Tomorrow (my real birthday) it's supposed to rain. My luck! I'll probably go out to a nice dinner with Stephen and then on Saturday I will celebrate with my family & closest friends (wish you could be there becs!)! Yeah! All this celebrating has caused me to stop my weigh loss success - I guess it doesn't matter since (still) no one has noticed the 13 pound loss! This afternoon I'm going shopping with Jenn to find something to wear for my party. I'm excited! I haven't been to the mall & shopped for myself in ages! I'm usually a (lazy & cheap) Target shopper. I buy everything from Target. I love that place! I got a Target gift certificate from Stephen's aunt for my birthday & I spent it yesterday. I bought a new curling iron, alphabet stamps, and some necessities. I have five dollars left to spend so I am probably going to head back there this afternoon for razors - which I forgot...In other news, no word from the job - or any job for that matter. Very frustrating...but I'm going to put the search (& all the stress that comes with it) on the back burner. Tomorrow I vow not to open up Monster or Craigslist and I will not keeping checking my phone for messages. I'm going to forget about all the bad things - at least until Thursday rolls around.

Good Luck

I have slacked on the blogging this week. I really haven't had anything interesting to report. On Tuesday, I had a test for a job I interviewed for last week. I'm waiting (not so) patiently to see if I make it to stage 3 of the interview process. The test was very difficult - well the computer part was easy, but they gave me a grammar test and I'm embarrassed to say, I probably only got half correct at best. I'm so frustrated with myself! I either ace the interview but fail the test or I score high on a test and blow the interview. Some of the tests I've taken for administrative jobs are quite difficult. How does anyone pass these things & get hired? I know a lot of college educated people who would fail miserably. The only thing keeping me from having a breakdown is that I have this strange gut feeling that (soon) something is going to happen that will change my life. A good thing...I feel lucky, excited and I've had stomach butterflies all week. I hope it's the job - I really need this job! Hopefully the butterflies are not a result of the anxiety I'm feeling about turning 30 in less then a week! My family & Stephen is throwing me a little luncheon at a place in Pasadena next weekend. I'm half excited half dreading it. I had a dream that there was a microphone set up at the party and people got up to do a roast and said really humiliating things about me not being able to find a job. It was awful. Being unemployed is killing whatever little bit of self esteem I had! I went biking with Stephen on Tuesday and I made in up Turnbull without getting off my bike to rest. It made me feel really good for the first time in months. It was the first goal I accomplished in such a long time. It was a stress reliever and a temporary ego boost. Plus it was good to be outdoors with my honey. Anyway friends, I wish you a Happy St. Patty's! I'll be at the lake with Stephen & his familia tomorrow. xoxo

Happy Birthday Sammy!

Yesterday we celebrated Sammy's 20th birthday. My parents, Billy & Sylvia came over to experience the unusual event. I made a tri-tip, salad, corn and Sylvia made yummy potato salad. I was going to make a cake but I got lazy and bought one from Albertson's - it did the trick. I bought a few decorations from Dollar Tree and made Sammy a little Fancy Feast cake to make it even more special. Of course the party was really more for me then it was for her. She could care less! She did enjoy her cake & she loves company. It was a ridiculous idea like all my others...but it was lots of fun. Happy 20th Birthday Sammy!

I joined a couple of new swaps on swap-bot. I have swapping fever! I am just about to send out my flat goodies swap & I'll put my Born in 1977 swap together as soon as I get my partners info and find out a little more about her. I recently joined a swap called Latin Matchbox Shrine and I found an unusual swap where we have to make a little fairy doll. I think I am going to stick to crafting swaps for the time being. They require little or no money except for postage. I got stiffed on the Valentine's Swap. It was only my second time dealing with a non sender...It sucks but someone ( a swap angel) has kindly offered to send me a package. Isn't that sweet?

Job hunt update: I am waiting to hear back from the temp agency about starting a job this week or next. Today is a holiday so I have to wait until tomorrow to get the full details. Cross your fingers for me. Right now any job will be the best job! The pressure to find something gets worse everyday and I am suffering from insomnia & when I finally get to sleep I have nightmares. Last night I dreamt that the lady from a job I applied to called me and said that they wanted to hire me without even meeting me first! I was so happy! Waking up and realizing it was all a dream became the nightmare!

Sux in the City

I've been running around like a crazy woman all morning! Out of desperation I decided to interview with a temporary agency in downtown L.A. I left extra early but it took me about 2 hours to get there. Mainly because of the horrible directions and the one way streets. The numbers on the building were hard to read so I kept having to circle around over & over! I was told to park in a lot called Joe's Garage...well I came to find out that there are numerous Joe's Garage parking lots all over the city! There was construction, crazy people and about a zillion cars honking their horns. I felt like I was in NYC! I've been to downtown many times but things must have changed since then. I don't remember the hustle and bustle. Today was an adventure to say the least! Culture shock BIG TIME...and I thought I was so worldly! ha ha! The interview was on the 26th floor of an office building with an amazing view of the city. I tested horribly...I'm retarded when it comes to timed computer tests. Timed test make me so nervous! Anyway, my resume and interview overshadowed the mediocre test scores. Now I just sit back and wait for them to find me something. I applied to 8 places yesterday and I'm hopeful I get at least one interview. I had applied to this great community arts organization awhile back even though I knew I was under qualified for the position. To my surprise the hiring manager liked my resume and e-mailed me yesterday to let me know that a position opened up that I may be interested in. I immediately applied and I'm waiting on pins and needles for a call from her. I also saw an ad online that my old boss had posted for a position at her new organization. I e-mailed her to ask more about the position and inquire about applying and she never wrote back. I'm kind of annoyed because she never wrote the recommendation she promised either. It kind of sucks because I stuck up for her after she was let go. Infact, her being fired is part of the reason I left! Oh well.

An update on the Caroline's turning the BIG 3-0 saga...My family wants to throw me a party! I'm a little excited...just a little. It's tentatively set for the Saturday following my birthday at a tapas bar in Pasadena. I think I can invite 30 people give or take. Icing on the cake would be to get the #1 present on my wish list - that would be the BEST birthday ever...but you know how my luck is. It stinks!