Time has come today!

Note: Whole Foods Butternut Squash Enchiladas = Not good AT ALL!

I got "gypped" by 3 swappers! What is up with that!? I am working on a self portrait for a current swap. I already received a cool self portrait from the UK, which I'll post on MyFlickr later today. I better get a move on! Luckily my portrait doesn't have far to travel - just a few miles away. I opened an etsy account and I'm going to try & actually make some money from my creations. Another goal is to add some stuff to my collection of large shadowboxes & paintings so I can have a show. I'm so inspired by all the artist's I've met via Swap-bot & MySpace. Hopefully I'm inspired enough to finally do something with my passion! I had so much time off while I was job hunting & I wasn't productive at all! I'm so disappointed in myself! I was really depressed and uninspired. I rarely worked on my art or got off my ass and went to the gym. Now that I'm inspired again I am lacking the time & energy. I'm trying to figure out a schedule that includes work, the gym, time for art, my loved ones & my house. I want to make all of those things a priority. Is that possible? Advice needed! I hate doing a million things at once, dodging traffic & running around like a crazy woman. I like peace. I'm hoping this little upcoming vacation brings me a little of that before it's back to the rat race again. I can't wait!

Rants

Dear crazy guy that flipped me off today,
I wouldn't have cut you off if you would have been courteous & let me in. Chill out, relax & take a chill pill. The look on your wifes(?) face was priceless! Stop embarrassing her by being a crazed jerk!

Dear alarm clock,
I'm sick of hearing from you. Shut-up!

Dear Subway Sandwich Artist,
Stop looking at me weird because I don't want your stupid vegetables. They're yucky and I don't like them! Oh, & easy on the mayo!

Dear Flaky Swap Partners,
How do you sleep at night?

Dear people with embarrassing e-mail addresses,
speedofetish@fillintheblank.com is not very professional. I'd advise against using it on your resume.

Dear Parking Garage Nazi,
Your parking garage is gross, on the verge of collapsing & it smells like pee. Stop guarding it like it's Fort Knox!

Dear Pedro Almodovar,
I was loving Volver, with it's bright colors, camera angles & strong women characters BUT why did you end it like that? I thought my DVD was defective. That wasn't cool.

Uh Oh!

I am an idiot. I just sent one of our big donors an e-mail that was meant for someone else. Arghhh. I forgot how to recall a message and by the time I figured it out, it was too late. I hope I didn't make him mad. Every once in awhile (no matter how much I try to avoid it) I make a little "uh-oh" like that. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over such a small thing. At least it wasn't a BIG "uh-oh"! Donors, who you'd think are kind and generous can be difficult. I haven't run into that here as much as the last 2 places I worked but I'm still in defense mode. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. I need a vacation from traffic, work, house cleaning, the blues and the drama that has been following me around lately. It's only Tuesday and I'm already whining! I guess I'm just in desperate need of a REAL vacation! Hopefully Stephen & I can make it to Martha's Vineyard for Labor Day. I'm imagining riding bikes around the island, having some good lobster (with lots of butter), lounging on the beach, shopping and taking walks around town with my love. Ahhhh, feels like I'm there already! ;-)

Today's Lunch

Today sucked bad. I'm exhausted, grumpy and ready to go home. I'm done with today!

The party is over!

My week long 30th birthday celebration has finally come to an end. It ended on Saturday with a big celebration at Bar Celona in Pasadena with family and friends. It was good to see everyone I love together, eating, talking, laughing and having a good time. I got so many nice gifts but seeing everyone together was the best gift of them all. The restaurant was cool, the cake was delicious and the Sangria was to die for!!! My camera pooped out so I'm a little delayed on adding pictures to flickr. I borrowed two different cameras and I'm trying to get a hold of the memory sticks to make a slide show of the big bash. It was a fun party but it would have been even better if it wasn't MY party. I couldn't help stressing out that people weren't having a good time, that they had spent too much money on me or that I looked hideously fat & ugly. Not to mention that I feel as though I have a huge U on my chest for UNEMPLOYED and everyone can see it. I hate that I am so insecure right now. It's a combination of events over the last 6 months that has got me to this low point. I want the old me back! I know I'm somewhere under this blanket of self hate. I don't want to be like this, I really, really don't. Relying on someone else for survival is a really humbling experience...it's been tough but my family has been there, and will continue to be there, loving me unconditionally... & for this I am most grateful. I hope things change soon - for your sake, my dear blog readers! The stress is zapping my fun & creativity. I'm losing it & I'm sorry.

Good Luck

I have slacked on the blogging this week. I really haven't had anything interesting to report. On Tuesday, I had a test for a job I interviewed for last week. I'm waiting (not so) patiently to see if I make it to stage 3 of the interview process. The test was very difficult - well the computer part was easy, but they gave me a grammar test and I'm embarrassed to say, I probably only got half correct at best. I'm so frustrated with myself! I either ace the interview but fail the test or I score high on a test and blow the interview. Some of the tests I've taken for administrative jobs are quite difficult. How does anyone pass these things & get hired? I know a lot of college educated people who would fail miserably. The only thing keeping me from having a breakdown is that I have this strange gut feeling that (soon) something is going to happen that will change my life. A good thing...I feel lucky, excited and I've had stomach butterflies all week. I hope it's the job - I really need this job! Hopefully the butterflies are not a result of the anxiety I'm feeling about turning 30 in less then a week! My family & Stephen is throwing me a little luncheon at a place in Pasadena next weekend. I'm half excited half dreading it. I had a dream that there was a microphone set up at the party and people got up to do a roast and said really humiliating things about me not being able to find a job. It was awful. Being unemployed is killing whatever little bit of self esteem I had! I went biking with Stephen on Tuesday and I made in up Turnbull without getting off my bike to rest. It made me feel really good for the first time in months. It was the first goal I accomplished in such a long time. It was a stress reliever and a temporary ego boost. Plus it was good to be outdoors with my honey. Anyway friends, I wish you a Happy St. Patty's! I'll be at the lake with Stephen & his familia tomorrow. xoxo

junk as far as the eye can see

Today felt like the endless day. Stephen woke me up this morning because Gregifer invited us to tag along with them at the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet. I resisted at first only because I had been then once before and it was a miserable experience. I remember it being hotter then hell & full of cholos. It was exactly as I remembered. Today was the hottest winter day I can ever remember and the swap meet was ghetto in all it's glory. Veteranos in wheelchairs, teen moms, crowds and the sweltering heat. I did manage to find a cute butterfly for the garden - full of lead paint but it's very pretty nonetheless. I was hoping that I could find some craft supplies in all the bins of junk but no luck. There was so much to see - aisles and aisles of stuff, Mexican music blasting and the glorious smell of fried tortillas - my senses were on overload. You can find a little mix of everything there. Tupac blankets, granny panties, knock off purses, Mexican candy, birds, tools, samurai swords, used baby furniture, coffins and you can even get a massage! After buying some useless items and feeling tired and dehydrated we made our way back to car. We did some more shopping on the way home - Greg & Jenn bought some furniture for their new pad and we stopped for a much needed Starbucks. My new fave drink is Passion Tea Lemonade - two pumps melon , one pump raspberry - Refreshing - you must try! We came back to our neck of the woods, did a little relaxing and then went out for pizza. I messed up on the "non-diet" a little but I'll be back on tomorrow - I want to lose 5 more before the BIG 3-0!!!. I just finished organizing the craft room and now I'm about to study for a test I'm taking on Tuesday for a job I really want. Phew - what a day! I hate Sundays - even worse now that I'm not working. It's the realization that another week is coming and I still don't have anything lined up - plus another endless week of job hunting is ahead. It's really draining...but I'm going to go into this week with a good attitude and maybe I can make something happen.

Venting, Bunnies, Coins & Swaps

I'm feeling better today then yesterday. The job hunt in really draining...I know people want to be helpful but I wish people would stop saying "keep trying" or "apply here" and "you need to do this", etc. Then there's the other group of people who say "you're so lucky to be off work", "the job you didn't get was meant to be" & "enjoy your vacation". I know people are just trying be helpful...but it doesn't help...it only makes things harder. People don't realize how hard I'm trying and how horrible I feel. I got turned down for a four week temp job! How humiliating is that?!?! The only reason I went to the damn temp agency is because of someone told me that it's sooooo easy to get a job through them. I called three temp agencies on Friday & none of them were of any help. I've never felt so desperate. Anyway, today I'm feeling more hopeful but it's up & down.

Yesterday I received a lovely package from my Swap Angel Melissa. It was a nice surprise! I never received my Valentine's Day Swap & she was so sweet to fill in for my flaky partner. I ate the chocolate before I had a chance to snap a photo. I really needed some chocolate yesterday! =) I finished my Latin Matchbox Shrines during the week. I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. The swap deadline is a few weeks away but I had the urge to be crafty. I hope my partners like them. My camera battery was dying so the pictures don't due them justice. I can't wait to send them. I also snapped the pictures above of some of my Easter decorations. Again, the picture doesn't due them justice. I'm loving Easter now that I've rediscovered the cuteness of Easter decorations. I'm even appreciating pastels! I have an small egg collection that I still have to display. I'm tempted to join the Bunny Swap on Swap-bot but I think I may be overextending myself already. I also took a photo of some Geocoins I discovered this morning. I made a quick travel bug drop at a local cache & I picked these up. I'm loving coins these days! If you don't know about Geocaching, Geocoins or Travel Bugs yet...do some research & click these links. It's a great hobby...well if you like the outdoors and treasure hunts. =)

Happy Birthday Sammy!

Yesterday we celebrated Sammy's 20th birthday. My parents, Billy & Sylvia came over to experience the unusual event. I made a tri-tip, salad, corn and Sylvia made yummy potato salad. I was going to make a cake but I got lazy and bought one from Albertson's - it did the trick. I bought a few decorations from Dollar Tree and made Sammy a little Fancy Feast cake to make it even more special. Of course the party was really more for me then it was for her. She could care less! She did enjoy her cake & she loves company. It was a ridiculous idea like all my others...but it was lots of fun. Happy 20th Birthday Sammy!

I joined a couple of new swaps on swap-bot. I have swapping fever! I am just about to send out my flat goodies swap & I'll put my Born in 1977 swap together as soon as I get my partners info and find out a little more about her. I recently joined a swap called Latin Matchbox Shrine and I found an unusual swap where we have to make a little fairy doll. I think I am going to stick to crafting swaps for the time being. They require little or no money except for postage. I got stiffed on the Valentine's Swap. It was only my second time dealing with a non sender...It sucks but someone ( a swap angel) has kindly offered to send me a package. Isn't that sweet?

Job hunt update: I am waiting to hear back from the temp agency about starting a job this week or next. Today is a holiday so I have to wait until tomorrow to get the full details. Cross your fingers for me. Right now any job will be the best job! The pressure to find something gets worse everyday and I am suffering from insomnia & when I finally get to sleep I have nightmares. Last night I dreamt that the lady from a job I applied to called me and said that they wanted to hire me without even meeting me first! I was so happy! Waking up and realizing it was all a dream became the nightmare!

Grrrrrr!

People need to think before they speak. Words can hurt and although it's easy for me to forgive...my memory is good and I hardly ever forget.