2nd Annual Easter Egg Coloring Party

This year we celebrated at Greg and Jenn's new pad. We BBQed delsih hamburgers provided by moi, but cooked to perfection by The Gregmeister. I brought yummy Easter Bunny cupcakes (I, along with all the hipsters have a serious cupcake addiction...except I loved them before they were cool!). Jenn provided the eggs and the dye. I bought this really cool Easter egg bug kit at last year's after Easter sale at Target (note to self: GO TO TARGET TOMORROW - early!!!). The bug eggs were adorable. I actually got Stephen to create one before he snuck off with Greg to have a "jam session". His was the best! I think our eggs really fit our personalities! Greg also made his 2nd annual cartoon egg. He's getting good at this! It was Stewie from Family Guy. Check out last year's post to see our creations. I can't believe it's already been a year! Today was a lazy Easter day spent with my lovie. We slept in, ate a greasy Mexican brunch at Taco Shack, made an attempt at the movies but ended up vegging out in front of the tube. I watched a whole season of last season's America's Top Model while Stephen surfed the net. The Easter Bunny spoiled Stephen! He got a tiny basket stuffed with goodies, a kite (the kite was really for me!) and a very special surprise from the Easter Carrie. He really deserved something nice - he's been so patient and wonderful. The Bunny brought me Dippin Dots and a basket full of love and hope. Just what I needed.

Happy Easter

I've been meaning to add a post all week but I got lazy! I had such a fun weekend, hanging out with my love and I had planned on writing all about our adventures. Oh well...I added a few pictures of my weekend to my Flickr account for your enjoyment. This weekend is Easter...Wow, my blog is almost a year old already! I have successfully documented the hardest year in my life. I'm hoping that this year my blog is full of hope, creativety and adventure.

Tonight is The 2nd Annual Easter Egg Coloring Fest with Jenn & Greg. Easter wouldn't be Easter without coloring eggs.

Here is what I hope the Easter Bunny will bring.

1. A new job...that I love
2. A porch swing

3. These Uggs

4. A fab pair of jeans

5. THIS

6. A dishwasher (I have a sink full)

5. A bathtub

6. THEM

7. HIM

8. A cupcake from here

9. Xanax

10. Inspiration

Let me off! NOW!

I've been riding a roller coaster for the last six months and I'm ready to hop off! Mostly I've been headed downhill, full speed ahead, through a dark tunnel, white knuckling it the whole way. Throughout the ride I lost creativity, self confidence and worst of all, hope. Slowly, I'm trying to find myself again. I'm going to get off this ride - I am determined to do it. I am fearless and ready. Here goes everything!

In search of myself and all that I've lost, I have decided to get crafty again. I went to Michael's today and bought some supplies to make a wish book. I'm going to create pages of what I wish for in my life. If I make it, IT will come. I'll post photos along this creative journey.

So far, 30 has been great. OK, so the whole not having a job thing stinks...but otherwise I am exactly where I imagined myself to be at 30. Sure, I want marriage, babies & owning a house would be icing on the cake - but I never needed all of that by 30 years and 9 days. Things will come together and I want to cherish everyday and love myself the way I am right now, this very second. I don't want to hate myself because I feel the pressure of everyone's expectations for me. Marriage and babies will come soon. I have been inspired by several women who have waited until their 30s to start a family. For all of us, it is not because of circumstance that we waited. It is because of choice. I am proud of the choices I made. I waited for the right time and for the right person. Thank God, Hallelujah, Praise da Lord I didn't have a baby with the first (or second) guy to come around. I'd be on a whole different roller coaster if my life would have turned out that way. I'm happy, I love my guy more then I've loved anyone - ever. I'm happy that I waited. Check out this little bit of inspiration I found in this month's Glamour. I also found the picture of a really pretty ring. I'll post it up somewhere in the house just in case...just in case I get sick of waiting...hehe....

I added more pics to my Photo Album. Check out my swaps & a bunch of my random pictures. Taking pictures is relaxing. I am addicted to Steph's new camera. ssshhhhh - I've been sneakily using it. hehehehe...I've yet to add any of me at my birthday party. I just hate the way I looked that day! Couldn't someone have told me I desperately needed compact! Anyway, keep checking in. I prmise to "spice up" my blog. My poor blog is a snooze fest! I have a couple cool topics on the backburner. Less venting! I pinky promise!

I have my fingers crossed behind my back. ;-) hehehe...

The Orange Eating Bandit Strikes Again!

The party is over!

My week long 30th birthday celebration has finally come to an end. It ended on Saturday with a big celebration at Bar Celona in Pasadena with family and friends. It was good to see everyone I love together, eating, talking, laughing and having a good time. I got so many nice gifts but seeing everyone together was the best gift of them all. The restaurant was cool, the cake was delicious and the Sangria was to die for!!! My camera pooped out so I'm a little delayed on adding pictures to flickr. I borrowed two different cameras and I'm trying to get a hold of the memory sticks to make a slide show of the big bash. It was a fun party but it would have been even better if it wasn't MY party. I couldn't help stressing out that people weren't having a good time, that they had spent too much money on me or that I looked hideously fat & ugly. Not to mention that I feel as though I have a huge U on my chest for UNEMPLOYED and everyone can see it. I hate that I am so insecure right now. It's a combination of events over the last 6 months that has got me to this low point. I want the old me back! I know I'm somewhere under this blanket of self hate. I don't want to be like this, I really, really don't. Relying on someone else for survival is a really humbling experience...it's been tough but my family has been there, and will continue to be there, loving me unconditionally... & for this I am most grateful. I hope things change soon - for your sake, my dear blog readers! The stress is zapping my fun & creativity. I'm losing it & I'm sorry.

Hello 30

I'm officially 30. I don't feel older - maybe just a little more depressed about my failure to find a job. At 29, being unemployed sucked, but at 30, it's pathetic! Yesterday was a nice break from job hunting & all the stress that comes along with it. I have to admit that I did send out 1 resume even though I promised myself I would stay off the job sites. I couldn't help myself! I had a nice lunch with Billy, did a little Target shopping and had dinner at Benihana with Stephen & some of his family. I always over eat there! I couldn't even finish my green tea ice cream because my stomach felt like it was going to explode! I'm still recovering from that meal today! It was goooooooooood! I have been pampered by friends and family and my real party isn't until Saturday! I feel so loved! Stephen bought me a gift certificate to the salon across the street so I am getting "made over" this afternoon. I'm also thankful to all the people who told me the 30s have been (or were) their best years. I am looking forward to all the adventures yet to come. 30s be good to me!

Goodbye 20s!!!

In less then 24 hours I turn the BIG 3-0!!! Today is the last day of my 20s! Now it's really hitting me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Saturday marked the beginning of the week long celebration. Stephen's family had a bbq and b-day celebration for his cousin, sister and myself. There was delicious food and I got to hit a pinata the first time since I was a kid. It was so much fun. They are so sweet to me. I got so many really nice cards and gifts. On Sunday I went to Disneyland with my mom & my niece, Lisa. I got them up early so we could make it there in time for a Mickey Mouse waffle. Soooo good! I had a really nice day with them. Tomorrow (my real birthday) it's supposed to rain. My luck! I'll probably go out to a nice dinner with Stephen and then on Saturday I will celebrate with my family & closest friends (wish you could be there becs!)! Yeah! All this celebrating has caused me to stop my weigh loss success - I guess it doesn't matter since (still) no one has noticed the 13 pound loss! This afternoon I'm going shopping with Jenn to find something to wear for my party. I'm excited! I haven't been to the mall & shopped for myself in ages! I'm usually a (lazy & cheap) Target shopper. I buy everything from Target. I love that place! I got a Target gift certificate from Stephen's aunt for my birthday & I spent it yesterday. I bought a new curling iron, alphabet stamps, and some necessities. I have five dollars left to spend so I am probably going to head back there this afternoon for razors - which I forgot...In other news, no word from the job - or any job for that matter. Very frustrating...but I'm going to put the search (& all the stress that comes with it) on the back burner. Tomorrow I vow not to open up Monster or Craigslist and I will not keeping checking my phone for messages. I'm going to forget about all the bad things - at least until Thursday rolls around.

Good Luck

I have slacked on the blogging this week. I really haven't had anything interesting to report. On Tuesday, I had a test for a job I interviewed for last week. I'm waiting (not so) patiently to see if I make it to stage 3 of the interview process. The test was very difficult - well the computer part was easy, but they gave me a grammar test and I'm embarrassed to say, I probably only got half correct at best. I'm so frustrated with myself! I either ace the interview but fail the test or I score high on a test and blow the interview. Some of the tests I've taken for administrative jobs are quite difficult. How does anyone pass these things & get hired? I know a lot of college educated people who would fail miserably. The only thing keeping me from having a breakdown is that I have this strange gut feeling that (soon) something is going to happen that will change my life. A good thing...I feel lucky, excited and I've had stomach butterflies all week. I hope it's the job - I really need this job! Hopefully the butterflies are not a result of the anxiety I'm feeling about turning 30 in less then a week! My family & Stephen is throwing me a little luncheon at a place in Pasadena next weekend. I'm half excited half dreading it. I had a dream that there was a microphone set up at the party and people got up to do a roast and said really humiliating things about me not being able to find a job. It was awful. Being unemployed is killing whatever little bit of self esteem I had! I went biking with Stephen on Tuesday and I made in up Turnbull without getting off my bike to rest. It made me feel really good for the first time in months. It was the first goal I accomplished in such a long time. It was a stress reliever and a temporary ego boost. Plus it was good to be outdoors with my honey. Anyway friends, I wish you a Happy St. Patty's! I'll be at the lake with Stephen & his familia tomorrow. xoxo

Self Portraits

junk as far as the eye can see

Today felt like the endless day. Stephen woke me up this morning because Gregifer invited us to tag along with them at the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet. I resisted at first only because I had been then once before and it was a miserable experience. I remember it being hotter then hell & full of cholos. It was exactly as I remembered. Today was the hottest winter day I can ever remember and the swap meet was ghetto in all it's glory. Veteranos in wheelchairs, teen moms, crowds and the sweltering heat. I did manage to find a cute butterfly for the garden - full of lead paint but it's very pretty nonetheless. I was hoping that I could find some craft supplies in all the bins of junk but no luck. There was so much to see - aisles and aisles of stuff, Mexican music blasting and the glorious smell of fried tortillas - my senses were on overload. You can find a little mix of everything there. Tupac blankets, granny panties, knock off purses, Mexican candy, birds, tools, samurai swords, used baby furniture, coffins and you can even get a massage! After buying some useless items and feeling tired and dehydrated we made our way back to car. We did some more shopping on the way home - Greg & Jenn bought some furniture for their new pad and we stopped for a much needed Starbucks. My new fave drink is Passion Tea Lemonade - two pumps melon , one pump raspberry - Refreshing - you must try! We came back to our neck of the woods, did a little relaxing and then went out for pizza. I messed up on the "non-diet" a little but I'll be back on tomorrow - I want to lose 5 more before the BIG 3-0!!!. I just finished organizing the craft room and now I'm about to study for a test I'm taking on Tuesday for a job I really want. Phew - what a day! I hate Sundays - even worse now that I'm not working. It's the realization that another week is coming and I still don't have anything lined up - plus another endless week of job hunting is ahead. It's really draining...but I'm going to go into this week with a good attitude and maybe I can make something happen.

Still not a winner

I didn't win the MEGA Millions - I didn't match a single number! However, I did land a really promising interview with a huge corporation run by a mouse who wears red shorts. I probably wouldn't have got the interview but a previous employer has a connection to the recruiter and that got her attention. Lucky break, I guess. Now if only I can land the job. I have a couple of other interviews on the horizon and I'm determined to get hired somewhere soon.

I finished my fairy doll for the Fairy Bower Doll & Matchbox Swap. She's no dainty fairy! She's a short, husky, flamboyant sprite & she's got a head or fiery hair. I had so much fun making her. I used polymer clay, paint, fabric, buttons, and yarn. The other part of the swap is to decorate a little matchbox and fill it with fairy items. I filled hers with flowers, lady bugs, butterflies, shells, stars, animals & other cute little embellishments. This has been one of my favorite swaps! I'm mailing her tomorrow and I'll be sad to see her go...but she's going to a good home.

Check my photo album - I've added some random pictures and one of my empty garden. I created a small fenced in garden in our little side yard. I planted seeds last week and I'll be taking photos of the progress. Hopefully something other then clovers and dandelions will grow on that side of the house.

Travel Bugs & jackpots

Look at where my travel bugs have been! Punky is on a group tour in chilly Michigan, Blues is in New Zealand at Waikawa Beach and Miss Travel Bunny finally got picked up this week and will be on her way very soon. One of my other TB's is still waiting to be picked up in a cold & lonely cache in Whittier and the other has gone missing - I'm guessing stolen and given to some newbie geocacher's kid! These little toys are jet-setting around the world while the original jet-set chick is dying for an adventure of her own! It's been almost two years since my last really big adventure. I'm yearning for a change of scenery...but I'm stuck here until I FINALLY land a job and earn some vacation. Hopefully I'll win the huge MEGA Millions jackpot tonight and then I'll be free of job hunting forever! I have a bunch of old lottery tickets sitting here that I'm not ready to check. I hate finding out I'm not a winner...I like to imagine I have the winning ticket in my grasp. It gives me something to think about when I can't sleep. I like to imagine what I'd do with the money...but for the time being a new job would feel just as good as winning a huge jackpot.

Venting, Bunnies, Coins & Swaps

I'm feeling better today then yesterday. The job hunt in really draining...I know people want to be helpful but I wish people would stop saying "keep trying" or "apply here" and "you need to do this", etc. Then there's the other group of people who say "you're so lucky to be off work", "the job you didn't get was meant to be" & "enjoy your vacation". I know people are just trying be helpful...but it doesn't help...it only makes things harder. People don't realize how hard I'm trying and how horrible I feel. I got turned down for a four week temp job! How humiliating is that?!?! The only reason I went to the damn temp agency is because of someone told me that it's sooooo easy to get a job through them. I called three temp agencies on Friday & none of them were of any help. I've never felt so desperate. Anyway, today I'm feeling more hopeful but it's up & down.

Yesterday I received a lovely package from my Swap Angel Melissa. It was a nice surprise! I never received my Valentine's Day Swap & she was so sweet to fill in for my flaky partner. I ate the chocolate before I had a chance to snap a photo. I really needed some chocolate yesterday! =) I finished my Latin Matchbox Shrines during the week. I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. The swap deadline is a few weeks away but I had the urge to be crafty. I hope my partners like them. My camera battery was dying so the pictures don't due them justice. I can't wait to send them. I also snapped the pictures above of some of my Easter decorations. Again, the picture doesn't due them justice. I'm loving Easter now that I've rediscovered the cuteness of Easter decorations. I'm even appreciating pastels! I have an small egg collection that I still have to display. I'm tempted to join the Bunny Swap on Swap-bot but I think I may be overextending myself already. I also took a photo of some Geocoins I discovered this morning. I made a quick travel bug drop at a local cache & I picked these up. I'm loving coins these days! If you don't know about Geocaching, Geocoins or Travel Bugs yet...do some research & click these links. It's a great hobby...well if you like the outdoors and treasure hunts. =)

Disappearing

I don't feel like writing and I don't feel like explaining why...I feel like Meridith from Grey's Anatomy...I feel like disappearing...I want to be invisible...I wish I had a bathtub to disappear into.

Happy Birthday Sammy!

Yesterday we celebrated Sammy's 20th birthday. My parents, Billy & Sylvia came over to experience the unusual event. I made a tri-tip, salad, corn and Sylvia made yummy potato salad. I was going to make a cake but I got lazy and bought one from Albertson's - it did the trick. I bought a few decorations from Dollar Tree and made Sammy a little Fancy Feast cake to make it even more special. Of course the party was really more for me then it was for her. She could care less! She did enjoy her cake & she loves company. It was a ridiculous idea like all my others...but it was lots of fun. Happy 20th Birthday Sammy!

I joined a couple of new swaps on swap-bot. I have swapping fever! I am just about to send out my flat goodies swap & I'll put my Born in 1977 swap together as soon as I get my partners info and find out a little more about her. I recently joined a swap called Latin Matchbox Shrine and I found an unusual swap where we have to make a little fairy doll. I think I am going to stick to crafting swaps for the time being. They require little or no money except for postage. I got stiffed on the Valentine's Swap. It was only my second time dealing with a non sender...It sucks but someone ( a swap angel) has kindly offered to send me a package. Isn't that sweet?

Job hunt update: I am waiting to hear back from the temp agency about starting a job this week or next. Today is a holiday so I have to wait until tomorrow to get the full details. Cross your fingers for me. Right now any job will be the best job! The pressure to find something gets worse everyday and I am suffering from insomnia & when I finally get to sleep I have nightmares. Last night I dreamt that the lady from a job I applied to called me and said that they wanted to hire me without even meeting me first! I was so happy! Waking up and realizing it was all a dream became the nightmare!

Grrrrrr!

People need to think before they speak. Words can hurt and although it's easy for me to forgive...my memory is good and I hardly ever forget.

Sux in the City

I've been running around like a crazy woman all morning! Out of desperation I decided to interview with a temporary agency in downtown L.A. I left extra early but it took me about 2 hours to get there. Mainly because of the horrible directions and the one way streets. The numbers on the building were hard to read so I kept having to circle around over & over! I was told to park in a lot called Joe's Garage...well I came to find out that there are numerous Joe's Garage parking lots all over the city! There was construction, crazy people and about a zillion cars honking their horns. I felt like I was in NYC! I've been to downtown many times but things must have changed since then. I don't remember the hustle and bustle. Today was an adventure to say the least! Culture shock BIG TIME...and I thought I was so worldly! ha ha! The interview was on the 26th floor of an office building with an amazing view of the city. I tested horribly...I'm retarded when it comes to timed computer tests. Timed test make me so nervous! Anyway, my resume and interview overshadowed the mediocre test scores. Now I just sit back and wait for them to find me something. I applied to 8 places yesterday and I'm hopeful I get at least one interview. I had applied to this great community arts organization awhile back even though I knew I was under qualified for the position. To my surprise the hiring manager liked my resume and e-mailed me yesterday to let me know that a position opened up that I may be interested in. I immediately applied and I'm waiting on pins and needles for a call from her. I also saw an ad online that my old boss had posted for a position at her new organization. I e-mailed her to ask more about the position and inquire about applying and she never wrote back. I'm kind of annoyed because she never wrote the recommendation she promised either. It kind of sucks because I stuck up for her after she was let go. Infact, her being fired is part of the reason I left! Oh well.

An update on the Caroline's turning the BIG 3-0 saga...My family wants to throw me a party! I'm a little excited...just a little. It's tentatively set for the Saturday following my birthday at a tapas bar in Pasadena. I think I can invite 30 people give or take. Icing on the cake would be to get the #1 present on my wish list - that would be the BEST birthday ever...but you know how my luck is. It stinks!

Cabin Fever

Valentine's dinner was a success! I made filet mignon with mushrooms, scallions and a teriyaki glaze, salad, bread, baked potatoes and for dessert a fruit tart & fresh raspberries and cream. It was delicious if I must say so myself! ;-) Stephen gave me the most beautiful roses! They are my most favorite kind of roses with orange & peach hues...Today is a beautiful day and I hate to spend it cooped up inside washing last night's dishes and pulling my hair out while job searching. I am going to spend an hour on business before taking a walk or a drive. I have to get out of here before I get cabin fever.

Happy Valentine's Day

I am really looking forward to dinner with Stephen tonight. I have everything prepared to begin my Valentine's cooking adventure...hopefully it's not a disaster! I made a healthy dessert but I couldn't resist buying a fruit tart from Churrolandia Bakery and Funnel Cake Factory. At least it's trans-fat free. Who cares about counting calories today anyway! It's Valentine's!!! I am going to eat my meat, potatoes & double desserts (mostly) guilt free. Anyway, check out the pictures of the table-scape I created on zero budget. I guess it's not that bad considering I used things I already had. It will look even better in candlelight. Very romantic! I hope Stephen likes the surprise.

Monday Monday

The weekend flew by and I felt like I hardly got to spend any of it with Stephen. I have some Valentine's surprises in the works that I hope he'll enjoy. I have decided to cook an elegant dinner at home. It's so much more romantic then dealing with the annoying V-Day crowds. I have the menu mostly planned out but I'm still trying to come up with a delicious, yet healthy dessert. I'm really excited! I've never been a big fan of "the day" but I do have a soft spot for the adorable cards, sweets and decorations. Having dinner here will give me a chance to be creative and try something a little different. Our first Valentine's Day was the best! We had a picnic in Laguna followed by an afternoon at Disneyland! I still have the big brown bear Stephen gave me. I'll never forget peeking out my window and seeing him get out of his car with the huge bear and a rose. It was so cute and the first time anyone had every done something like that for me. I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it!

I didn't think my poor Sammy was going to make it through the weekend! She got really sick on Friday. All weekend long she wouldn't eat, drink or meow. She looked awful and her eyes were sunken in. I gave her water through a syringe and kept an eye on her. She perked up a little yesterday afternoon but by this morning she was back! What a relief! I realize that she is very old and that she will die someday...I just don't know how I'm going to deal with it. She's been my best friend and given me unconditional love for 20 years. Losing that cat is a tough thing to imagine.

Auntie Pam's birthday party was on Saturday. It was fun hanging out with my family and making my mom take a Jell-O shot. I wish Stephen could have been there since it's only once in a blue moon my family has a shin-dig like that. The food was good and I even danced a bit after being forced on the dance floor by my Uncle Ralph. I'm a horrible dancer...but it was fun anyway. My mom introduced me to someone who I used to play with as a baby. She recently turned 30 so we commiserated about that for a bit. Then she started talking about her husband and three kids and then I felt like although we were the same age we were light years apart. I got that panicky feeling that I've been getting a lot lately...It's this nagging feeling inside telling me that I need to hurry...Ugh, I hate that feeling...it puts me in a bad mood. Most of my friends are married and the ones who are still single have fantastic careers. I feel like such a failure. I'm going to try and be patient, enjoy life and not rush...at least for a little while. I guess turning 30 is a bigger deal then I ever thought it would be! All these crazy things go through your mind. Just about everyone I know who has been there has told me that they felt the same way. I guess I'm not alone and you'll never understand unless you've been there...I wonder if it's any different for guys? As for my birthday, I am probably going to plan something for myself as usual. It's so hard for the event planner in me to lose control of MY event and so far no one has come up with any great ideas for me. I have a few ideas up my sleeve. I'm a little hesitant though because the last birthday dinner I planned ended up being a disaster and I ended up in tears by the end of the night. At least it was a memorable one! ha ha!