Time has come today!

Note: Whole Foods Butternut Squash Enchiladas = Not good AT ALL!

I got "gypped" by 3 swappers! What is up with that!? I am working on a self portrait for a current swap. I already received a cool self portrait from the UK, which I'll post on MyFlickr later today. I better get a move on! Luckily my portrait doesn't have far to travel - just a few miles away. I opened an etsy account and I'm going to try & actually make some money from my creations. Another goal is to add some stuff to my collection of large shadowboxes & paintings so I can have a show. I'm so inspired by all the artist's I've met via Swap-bot & MySpace. Hopefully I'm inspired enough to finally do something with my passion! I had so much time off while I was job hunting & I wasn't productive at all! I'm so disappointed in myself! I was really depressed and uninspired. I rarely worked on my art or got off my ass and went to the gym. Now that I'm inspired again I am lacking the time & energy. I'm trying to figure out a schedule that includes work, the gym, time for art, my loved ones & my house. I want to make all of those things a priority. Is that possible? Advice needed! I hate doing a million things at once, dodging traffic & running around like a crazy woman. I like peace. I'm hoping this little upcoming vacation brings me a little of that before it's back to the rat race again. I can't wait!

Heaven in a bottle

Mmmmmmm, this stuff is good. A new addiction to add to my many others. I struck out finding a bookstore on my lunch hour so I ended up wandering around Whole Foods. I bought Sushi for lunch & Butternut Squash Enchiladas to make for dinner. Yum! Whole Foods makes me crazy!

I'm still grieving from the loss of my Sammy. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier, but I know in time it will. I got her ashes back on Wednesday. They're in a little box in her bed until I can think of a proper place to put them. I was home sick of Friday & I was napping on the coach & I had this strange sensation she was laying on me, I opened my eyes & there she was! I'm pretty sure I was dreaming it but it felt real for a few seconds. I think I was in some sort of partial dream state where I was semi aware of my surroundings. When I snapped out of it I was really bummed out! I fell back to sleep & there she was again, but this time sharing the pillow with me! It must have been a dream but it felt so real.

In other news, Stephen & I are going to Martha's Vineyard! It's only a short trip, but we both need an adventure. We can't wait to leave "it all" behind for a few days. By the way, keep checking my Photo Album. I'm trying to post photos regularly despite having to use Stephen's paparazzi camera or my cell phone. I need a new camera! I posted some pictures of my most swaps! Enjoy! xoxo

TGIF!

It's Friday & I could use one of these!

Rants

Dear crazy guy that flipped me off today,
I wouldn't have cut you off if you would have been courteous & let me in. Chill out, relax & take a chill pill. The look on your wifes(?) face was priceless! Stop embarrassing her by being a crazed jerk!

Dear alarm clock,
I'm sick of hearing from you. Shut-up!

Dear Subway Sandwich Artist,
Stop looking at me weird because I don't want your stupid vegetables. They're yucky and I don't like them! Oh, & easy on the mayo!

Dear Flaky Swap Partners,
How do you sleep at night?

Dear people with embarrassing e-mail addresses,
speedofetish@fillintheblank.com is not very professional. I'd advise against using it on your resume.

Dear Parking Garage Nazi,
Your parking garage is gross, on the verge of collapsing & it smells like pee. Stop guarding it like it's Fort Knox!

Dear Pedro Almodovar,
I was loving Volver, with it's bright colors, camera angles & strong women characters BUT why did you end it like that? I thought my DVD was defective. That wasn't cool.

Uh Oh!

I am an idiot. I just sent one of our big donors an e-mail that was meant for someone else. Arghhh. I forgot how to recall a message and by the time I figured it out, it was too late. I hope I didn't make him mad. Every once in awhile (no matter how much I try to avoid it) I make a little "uh-oh" like that. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over such a small thing. At least it wasn't a BIG "uh-oh"! Donors, who you'd think are kind and generous can be difficult. I haven't run into that here as much as the last 2 places I worked but I'm still in defense mode. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. I need a vacation from traffic, work, house cleaning, the blues and the drama that has been following me around lately. It's only Tuesday and I'm already whining! I guess I'm just in desperate need of a REAL vacation! Hopefully Stephen & I can make it to Martha's Vineyard for Labor Day. I'm imagining riding bikes around the island, having some good lobster (with lots of butter), lounging on the beach, shopping and taking walks around town with my love. Ahhhh, feels like I'm there already! ;-)

Where do cats go when they die?

I’m heartbroken. I miss my Sammy. I know in time it will get easier. Sammy wasn’t just my pet. She was my friend, confidant, security blanket and my history. She was there through most of my childhood, my teenage years and my twenties. If you didn’t know Sammy or my adoration of her then you probably don’t know me very well. She was a gift to lift my spirits and she never stopped cheering me up the entire 20 years. I feel immense guilt for making the decision to put her to sleep. I know it was the best thing to do. Her kidneys had shut down and she was uncomfortable & unable to eat, sleep or go to the bathroom. It’s still a tough decision to make. I keep wondering if there was something else I could have done to “fix” her. I hope she’s okay wherever she is. Maybe it’s hard for me to feel good about my decision because I’m not sure if I believe in heaven. I struggle with this every time someone I love dies. I’d love there to be a heaven but I have no proof of its existence. How heavenly can a place be when you’re separated from your body and those you love? Everything Sammy loved isn’t there. Me, El Pollo Loco scraps, Fancy Feast, being scratched under her chin by Stephen, hugged by me and laying on the living room floor. All those things are here on earth. I don’t recall them opening an El Pollo Loco in heaven and our living room floor is definitely still in Whittier. The heaven I imagine doesn’t impress me or comfort me. If you don’t take your body with you then how could you enjoy life's pleasures after death? Would you be able to enjoy Filet Mignon if there was no need for food? Can you kiss in heaven? What about drive down the coast? I don't want to be in a place without those things. I remember the day when my dad told me that the body is only a shell and that only your soul goes up to heaven – I was confused & horrified! I still am after 25 years! Leaving my body behind, happily floating around somewhere for eternity & chillin with God (I hear he’s so judgmental! LOL!) doesn’t sound like my kind of fun. If it’s so great then why are people so scared of death? I’ve been waiting for Sammy’s spirit to come visit but I guess she must be happy wherever she’s at. Maybe her little kitty soul is floating around the living room? It meant so much to have Sammy put to sleep in our home. It was sad, and ugly, but at the same time, beautiful that she died with family and in the comfort of her home & in her favorite spot. I got to hold her little hand through it all. I was happy we could do that for her. 20 years of friendship earned that respect. The past few weeks have been hard, even before Sammy took a turn for the worse. I’ve been dealing with some disappointments, sadness, Rose’s death, changes at work and trying to sort out some things in my head. Right when I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I got hit by a brick – actually a couple of bricks in the same week. I know I’ll be fine soon. Through these tough times, at least I find comfort in my family & friends. Thanks guys! Stephen, thank you for all you did for me & Sammy, for the gorgeous flowers, the very special card & for getting me out of the house this weekend. I had the best time. I love you!!!

Thought of the day: Please comment of your idea of heaven. I’ve been struggling with this concept since childhood…maybe someone can convince me that it’s not just hype. I’m not swayed by clouds, angels and harps so give me something good. Give me an intriguing concept to ponder.

RIP Sammy

Sammy's page

I am a guitar hero

I kick ass....OK, I'm only on the beginner level...but I still kick ass!

Life just aint' fair!

Rose's death is starting to sink in. I can't stop thinking about our last lunch and how unfair her death is. The service was Friday and it was beautiful. There were loving words said by friends, a harpist and lovely flowers and pictures. Her daughter and son-in-law are strong and loving people. They planned her funeral just the way she would have liked it with every last detail just perfect. Rose taught me everything about event planning. We used to have so much fun when we'd go for walk through and food tastings at the Hyatt. Those were fun times! During her funeral a strong wind full of electricity came out of nowhere. It was a hot windless day and the wind whipped up and surrounded the crowd. A few people remarked afterwards that the wind was a sign from Rose saying she's okay. I'd like to believe this is true.

The rest of the weekend came and went too fast. I hung out by the pool with Jenny, wacthed a very bloody UFC fight & spent some time with my parents on Sunday. Today I'm feeling tired and gloomy. I'm headed home for some carnitas burritos with Stephen. I can't wait to get out of the traffic zoo and get home!

Rose

I received the sad news that my old manager/old co-worker/dear friend/ Rose passed away sometime at the beginning of this week. I'm still in shock and I'm not sure if I even believe it's true. It can't be! I just saw her last week! We had a fabulous lunch, a decadent dessert and bottle of champagne. We talked and laughed. She was full of hope and excited about the possibly that her new treatment was going to work. She told me she wasn't ready to die. She talked about a doctor that had left her with no hope and suggested grief counseling. She had just found a new doctor who was willing to help her. Giving up and having no hope was unacceptable to her. She had so much more she wanted to do. Short term goals like finally getting the chance to watch the last episode of Grey's Anatomy, planning a Happy Hour and going with her daughter to see Wicked. Then there were bigger dreams of opening a Champagne bar, traveling, seeing her grandchildren grow up and finding love again. It's so unfair. I'm so glad I got the chance to know her. Despite all the crap that went on at UW I was able to come away from there a better person and with many experiences and wonderful friendships. I'm thankful for our last lunch together and I'm glad that we picked champagne instead of plain old wine. Life's short so drink it up.

Happy 28th my love!!!

This weekend was Stephen's birthday. The BIG 28! Friday I had planned to take him to Phlight for dinner and then to have drinks in Uptown. It didn't quite work out as I had planned. I had a hunch something was going to go wrong. Much like most of my ideas these days! My planets must be out of alignment. Saturday was his actual birthday. I got up early and made him french toast (yum) and gave him his presents. I got him a wallet, 2 gift cards, Guitar Hero (he loved it), golf balls and a bunch of other little goodies. Then he had to go to work which really sucked. Later we had a pirate themed party for him & Greg. It was nice and not so nice. I hope he had fun despite the not so nice aspects of the party. I did enjoy myself and the highlight was getting a ride on the back of his bro Larry's motorcycle. It was fun and I enjoyed speeding through East L.A. by motorcycle. Very cool! Stephen, his friend & myself closed the night with a few drinks in Uptown. I tried my best to make his day special and I hope it was. We did some more celebrating with his friends yesterday and there will be more celebrating to come when we finally get our date at Phlight. We have a break from parties for a few weeks. I can't wait for this weekend. Finally no obligations and sleeping in! Stephen's on a fishing trip for a few days and I'm alone with Sammy, a sink full of dishes and the ghosts. I miss him already. He left me a little note and he scribbled I love you. It gave me butterflies. Well I'm off to bed on the couch. Our bedroom is an oven! The heat is finally here!

Today's Lunch

Today sucked bad. I'm exhausted, grumpy and ready to go home. I'm done with today!

A bunch of nothing

The Weekend
Busy Busy Busy...Went to a show at The Galaxy on Friday with Stephen, his bros & his cousin. I forgot how much I hate General Admission. We got there early and I got a pretty good place by the stage. I eventually lost my spot up front due to a fight between a drunk 40-something and a Biker 4 Jesus. It was hot, stuffy and stinky. I made it through a one man band, a Christian rock band with a singer sporting a mamel toe (a man camel toe) and a sexy 50 year old dude playing guitar with his shirt off. Dude, I think 50 year old guys are hot! I am getting ooooold! LOL! The band we were there to see didn't go on until midnight and after their third song I couldn't handle it any longer. I retreated to a cozy table by the bar. Why didn't I think of that earlier? A show isn't as cool from afar. There's nothing better then getting up close and personal with the band. Unfortunately, four hours on my feet stuck between a bunch of sweaty dudes just wasn't cool. I had fun. I'm always up for an adventure.

Saturday was another Grad party and on Sunday I visited my old manager Rose who is suffering with pancreatic cancer. Rose is so amazing and inspiring and I am blown away by her strength. We went to lunch and had a huge bottle of champagne to celebrate my new job and of course to celebrate life. After two glasses I was seeing double and had to cut myself off. We gossiped about our old co-workers and chatted for hours about every thing under the sun. It was great. I'm going to try and plan a happy hour with the other girls soon. It's just so hard to get everyone together these days.

Swaps
I joined a few more swaps. I couldn't help myself. They're all pretty easy & don't require much money so it shouldn't be too much of a burden. I'll post pictures of what I'm sending soon. I've been so bad about taking pictures of swaps I receive and I promise to try and be better. One of my swaps is called CALLING ALL CRAFTING COMADRES,CHOLAS,FIRME HYNAS,RUCAS. I thought it was a fun idea and I think I have an idea of what I'm going to send...but I'll keep it a secret until I snap a photo. Some of the others are a Paper Art Doll Swap & A Bottle Cap Shrine swap. I can't wait to get to work on these. It's so much fun, but I seriously think someone needs to call a swap intervention!

Stephen's B-day!
This Saturday is Stephen's 28th birthday! We're having a little gathering over at his gramps on Saturday and I'm going to take him out on Friday. I love his birthday more then my own and hopefully I can make it extra special for him.

A Day in the Life
I posted some pictures I took today on my Flickr account. My camera is busted and I'm using Stephen's work camera which isn't so great. Check them out anyway and see some of the things I saw today. Check this out http://www.shakespeareinthecemetery.com/. I drive by here everyday & it's a pretty interesting spot. I love old Hollywood. I snapped some photos this morning and saw the banner. I want to go! Sounds strange & very cool.

I Believe in Ghosts!!!

I am a swap addict! I keep telling myself that I need to cut down on swaps, especially with a new job that hogs most of my time these days. I just can't stop! I'm at least going to try and cut down on the swaps that require a trip to the post office. It's so addicting! I get sad when I don't have any swaps lined up. Nothing beats coming home to a swap package full of swappy goodness! I joined a easy swap called I Believe in Ghosts which requires me to write a letter to someone telling them about why I believe in ghosts. Lately some odd things have been going on in our little blue house so I thought this was an appropriate swap. Other then whats been going on in our house I have had two other "paranormal experiences" happen to me while staying in old hotels. I'll fill you in on those another time but let me tell you about the experiences going on in our home sweet home. The house we live in was built in the early 1920's and that's pretty much all I know of it's history. I love the house despite a few annoyances like the tiny bathroom and the non-existent counter space. The only thing creepy about it is the basement which I actually only peeked into. We moved in almost exactly one year ago and here are some of the things that have happened.

1. A few days after moving in I was taking a nap on the couch. I woke up because I felt someone touching my feet. I opened my eyes and saw what I thought was Stephen duck behind the couch and crawl into the computer room. I thought he was playing a joke on me and I was rather annoyed so I went back to sleep. When I woke up I looked for him and he wasn't there. He was still at work! Now this all could have been my imagination or a weird dream so I just brushed it off and didn't think much of it until other things started to happen.

2. On Thanksgiving I was on the couch and Stephen was in the shower. At the same time we both smelled an intense perfume smell. He thought I sprayed perfume under the door (why on earth would I do that!?) and I didn't know where it came from.

3. The trash can lid will swing on its own. Stephen saw it happen the first time and then one day I was cooking soup and I saw it with my own eyes. I thought that something at the top fell to the bottom to cause it to swing. I checked it and tried to find the cause. I couldn't recreate what happend except by pushing the lid. I stepped back and was looking at the trash can very confused and then it did it again!

4. I was in the kitchen and I felt as if someone was behind me. I figured that Stephen came in quietly to sneak up on me. I turned around and no one was there. It gave me the chills.

5. We hear steps on our porch quite often. I run to peek out the window to see who it is and no one is there. We thought it might be an animal or our imagination. I had a bunch of friends over for a party and we had the front door open. I heard the footsteps and several of the girls peeked outside to see who was coming up the steps. No one was there and this was witnessed by several people who knew nothing of these sounds.

6. Stephen was leaving for work and when he walked through the kitchen he heard a women's voice whisper "Staaaaaaay". Now keep in mind that he is one of the most honest people I know and doesn't make up stories or invent things. At least the voice didn't say "Get Out!"

So there you go! You be the judge! I'm sure you skeptics can come up with some logical explanations. I'll update you if something else spooooky happens.

Blog-O-Line is back!!!

Geez, it's been awhile! So much has happened and I have so much to share. First, and most importantly...after months of interviews and countless rejections I found a job. I'm working for a small non-profit in West Hollywood. I had several offers but I picked the one with the nicest people and highest salary. Unfortunately, it's the farthest from home and I get out at 6pm which stinks. I got home at 8pm one day! Arghhhh! I've been here two and a half weeks and I'm slowly adjusting to commuting and being a stressed out, working girl again. I must say that it feels good to be working. I do miss my daily errands and freedom. I don't miss being broke! I have a grown-up title and I'm in the field of my choice. I don't know if this is my dream job - probably not, but time will tell. I am thankful to not have to go on another interview or get anymore job hunting advice from friends and family. No offense to those of you who offered advice...but what I really needed in that situation was an ear, a hug and some real job leads! I'm thinking of writing an article about the experiences I had on this journey...some of the interviews were pretty humorous. Anyway, this job has been an adventure so far. Other then the traffic I think the only other things I dislike about my job is the parking garage (it smells like piss) and the bathroom (you need a key, only one toilet works and it's just nasty). So, there's a little bit about my job. I will tell you more details as soon as I'm settled and actually know what I'm doing. I just did a fun swap where I had to take random pictures with a disposable camera and send it to my swap partner. I had so much fun taking pictures throughout my day so I got an idea to take pictures of a day in the life (of me) and post them here...so keep checking in for that. I may do it tomorrow since most of my office is in NY this week. =) Other then the new job I've been busy with a thousand birthdays and graduations. I've been going going going! It's been crazy! Anyway, I'll try and get into the habit of posting daily or at the very least, weekly. Check in and say hello! Drop me a line and give this blog some love!

Quick note

As soon as my life became filled with a gazillion things to blog about...my computer broke...I'm lost without a computer!!! Anyway, I'm using a friends to say that as soon as things slow down and I get a computer I will write and fill you all in.

Hugs,
Caroline

P.S. Stephen says Hi...

2nd Annual Easter Egg Coloring Party

This year we celebrated at Greg and Jenn's new pad. We BBQed delsih hamburgers provided by moi, but cooked to perfection by The Gregmeister. I brought yummy Easter Bunny cupcakes (I, along with all the hipsters have a serious cupcake addiction...except I loved them before they were cool!). Jenn provided the eggs and the dye. I bought this really cool Easter egg bug kit at last year's after Easter sale at Target (note to self: GO TO TARGET TOMORROW - early!!!). The bug eggs were adorable. I actually got Stephen to create one before he snuck off with Greg to have a "jam session". His was the best! I think our eggs really fit our personalities! Greg also made his 2nd annual cartoon egg. He's getting good at this! It was Stewie from Family Guy. Check out last year's post to see our creations. I can't believe it's already been a year! Today was a lazy Easter day spent with my lovie. We slept in, ate a greasy Mexican brunch at Taco Shack, made an attempt at the movies but ended up vegging out in front of the tube. I watched a whole season of last season's America's Top Model while Stephen surfed the net. The Easter Bunny spoiled Stephen! He got a tiny basket stuffed with goodies, a kite (the kite was really for me!) and a very special surprise from the Easter Carrie. He really deserved something nice - he's been so patient and wonderful. The Bunny brought me Dippin Dots and a basket full of love and hope. Just what I needed.

Happy Easter

I've been meaning to add a post all week but I got lazy! I had such a fun weekend, hanging out with my love and I had planned on writing all about our adventures. Oh well...I added a few pictures of my weekend to my Flickr account for your enjoyment. This weekend is Easter...Wow, my blog is almost a year old already! I have successfully documented the hardest year in my life. I'm hoping that this year my blog is full of hope, creativety and adventure.

Tonight is The 2nd Annual Easter Egg Coloring Fest with Jenn & Greg. Easter wouldn't be Easter without coloring eggs.

Here is what I hope the Easter Bunny will bring.

1. A new job...that I love
2. A porch swing

3. These Uggs

4. A fab pair of jeans

5. THIS

6. A dishwasher (I have a sink full)

5. A bathtub

6. THEM

7. HIM

8. A cupcake from here

9. Xanax

10. Inspiration

Let me off! NOW!

I've been riding a roller coaster for the last six months and I'm ready to hop off! Mostly I've been headed downhill, full speed ahead, through a dark tunnel, white knuckling it the whole way. Throughout the ride I lost creativity, self confidence and worst of all, hope. Slowly, I'm trying to find myself again. I'm going to get off this ride - I am determined to do it. I am fearless and ready. Here goes everything!

In search of myself and all that I've lost, I have decided to get crafty again. I went to Michael's today and bought some supplies to make a wish book. I'm going to create pages of what I wish for in my life. If I make it, IT will come. I'll post photos along this creative journey.

So far, 30 has been great. OK, so the whole not having a job thing stinks...but otherwise I am exactly where I imagined myself to be at 30. Sure, I want marriage, babies & owning a house would be icing on the cake - but I never needed all of that by 30 years and 9 days. Things will come together and I want to cherish everyday and love myself the way I am right now, this very second. I don't want to hate myself because I feel the pressure of everyone's expectations for me. Marriage and babies will come soon. I have been inspired by several women who have waited until their 30s to start a family. For all of us, it is not because of circumstance that we waited. It is because of choice. I am proud of the choices I made. I waited for the right time and for the right person. Thank God, Hallelujah, Praise da Lord I didn't have a baby with the first (or second) guy to come around. I'd be on a whole different roller coaster if my life would have turned out that way. I'm happy, I love my guy more then I've loved anyone - ever. I'm happy that I waited. Check out this little bit of inspiration I found in this month's Glamour. I also found the picture of a really pretty ring. I'll post it up somewhere in the house just in case...just in case I get sick of waiting...hehe....

I added more pics to my Photo Album. Check out my swaps & a bunch of my random pictures. Taking pictures is relaxing. I am addicted to Steph's new camera. ssshhhhh - I've been sneakily using it. hehehehe...I've yet to add any of me at my birthday party. I just hate the way I looked that day! Couldn't someone have told me I desperately needed compact! Anyway, keep checking in. I prmise to "spice up" my blog. My poor blog is a snooze fest! I have a couple cool topics on the backburner. Less venting! I pinky promise!

I have my fingers crossed behind my back. ;-) hehehe...

The Orange Eating Bandit Strikes Again!